Funny Quotes!

Hey Jammers!

My good friend "sheesh4" let me use some of her funny quotes she found on the internet, so the full credit goes to her!
(visit http://animaljaminsiders.blogspot.com/ for more funny quotes and great posts!).

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*Note- The ones that are highlighted in blue are my favorite ones!*

-When I die, I want to be buried with some random animal bone just to confuse future archaeologists.
-Whenever a bird poops on my head, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on the porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.


-I'm going to paint a blue square in my backyard, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
-When I clean my room: 1% Cleaning. 29% Complaining. 70% Playing with stuff I just found.


-Reason why I check my voice mail... 5% Because I care about my missed calls, 95% to remove that annoying icon.
-Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth.
-Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

-It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

-Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
-Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.


-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

-I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

-As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Did you enjoy some of the funny quotes? I chose these quotes because they made sense to me.

~YingYangSoulCat

PS-Remember, Sheesh4 was the one that found these quotes